The Slytherin's Guide to Dating
by CelticCross83
Summary: A chance encounter at a railway station leads to something more... Severus SnapePetunia Evans.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter. This disclaimer applies to all chapters.

A/N: This is an AU, because a) I like AUs and b) the story I wanted to write wouldn't have been able to happen if it weren't. Also, this is doubly an AU because there is no Dark Lord and Petunia Evans will not marry Vernon Dursley.

A/N2: This is probably the only Lilybashing fic in existence. I haven't checked, but I've been reading fanfiction since early 2000 and I've never seen any.

A/N3: I will put new chapters up as soon as they're written, so don't nag. Also, this will not rise above PG-13 or T, as I cannot bring myself to write hetsmut.

The Slytherin's Guide to Dating

Step One: Make a Good Impression

She stood on Platform 10, waiting for her older sister, and fiddled with her dress irritably, wishing it hadn't shrunk in the wash. It had been a perfectly presentable knee-length dress, a bit low cut, but nice. Now it rode halfway up her thighs and clung to her slight curves as if it was painted on. She thought it made her look 'easy', but her mother had insisted that she wear something nice. She didn't know why, it was just her freak sister after all.

As she was ruminating about the unfairness of it all, she was watching one of the barriers carefully, waiting for the tell-tale shimmer that meant someone was coming through. A moment later it shimmered, but it wasn't her sister who came through. It was a tall, pale boy, just rolling up his robes and putting them in his satchel. She looked appreciatively; you didn't see a body like _that _everyday. His plain black t-shirt clung just enough to reveal a lean body, with muscles in all the right places, and his tight black jeans displayed an arse that made her nearly drool. His face wasn't too bad either, even if it couldn't hold a candle to his body; high cheekbones, stubborn chin, large nose and a pair of dark intense eyes... that were staring right at her.

He was having a truly bad day. He'd had a prank pulled on him that would actually have been amusing if he hadn't been the victim, he'd been outscored on his NEWTs but one by that arsehole Potter and, to top it all off, he'd run out of cigarettes. As he brooded about the injustice of it all, he glanced around, making sure nobody had seen him coming through the barrier. Oh damn, there was one Muggle, but she didn't seem the least bit astonished by the fact he'd come out of thin air, so he figured she must be waiting for someone. Taking a long look at her, he thought about going over and talking to her a bit. She was gorgeous, in a tight green dress that left nothing to the imagination and made her legs look miles long. He looked up at her face, and saw an odd smile on her coral tinted lips, and a pair of startlingly green eyes looking right at him.

She blushed, raised her chin determinedly and walked over. "Have you seen my sister? She should be here by now. Maybe you know her, she's always bragging about how popular she is; her name's Lily." Her voice dripped disgust.

He raised an eyebrow. "If you mean Lily Evans, she's making a prolonged and rather physical goodbye to her fiancé, James Potter." He scowled at the mention of his enemy.

"Well, isn't it just like the bitch not to tell us she was engaged, and to someone new, as well! My parents and I thought she was still seeing that hooligan Black." She was annoyed but resigned; it really was just like her. "Oh well, I'm Petunia Evans." She extended her hand, which he kissed, leaving her blushing.

"It is a pleasure to meet you, Miss Evans. I am Severus Snape."

"It's a pleasure to meet you, but please, call me Petunia." She was flustered, unused to the courtly and old-fashioned manners used by the handsome boy.

"Very well. Are your parents around, Petunia? We should warn them that your sister is likely to take quite some time." Severus smiled, pleased to be allowed the privilege of her given name so soon.

"I think they're in the cafe. They told me to wait for Lily while they ate." She scowled.

"Shall we go?" He offered her his arm, which she took tentatively.

Henry and Rose Evans were eating quietly when Henry looked and saw his youngest daughter approaching on the arm of a young man. "Rosie, look. Our Pet's got herself a lad."

Rose looked, and cursed herself for insisting that Petunia wear the dress. It really was too tight, but she hadn't wanted to be late to meet Lily after the end of her last year of school. To his credit though, the young man wasn't looking anywhere but her face, which had an unusually cheerful look on it. It was about time she got herself a boyfriend.

"Mum, Dad, this is Severus Snape. He goes to school with Lily."

"I'm Henry Evans. Pleased to meet you." Mr. Evans shook his hand heartily.

"I'm Rose Evans." She gave him a brief nod, then asked Petunia, "Where is Lily? I thought you were going to wait for her."

"It's my fault, ma'am." Severus interceded, rescuing Petunia from her mother's disapproving stare. "I thought that we should warn you that Lily's farewells to her fiancé have become rather extensive and that they still have not left their compartment." He deliberately implied that they were in a compromising situation, but they seemed more concerned that she was engaged.

Mrs. Evans gasped, "Fiancé?" and Mr. Evans said, calmly, "Well, Sirius finally proposed, did he? I thought he would, sooner or later."

"Sir, her fiancé is James Potter, not Sirius Black. She and Black broke it off in March."

Now Mr. Evans looked put out, and Mrs. Evans looked scandalized. "I would have expected her to tell me she'd gotten engaged to someone I'd never met." Mr. Evans said.

"She's engaged after only three months!" Mrs. Evans was horrified.

"No, madam. It has been five months since she began seeing Potter."

"But I thought you said she and Sirius broke up in March?" Mr. Evans looked puzzled.

"They did, but she and James had been seeing each other for two months prior." Severus was intensely disapproving.

Petunia, who had until then been listening quietly, spoke, "So Lily was cheating on Sirius? I'm not all that surprised. She always have to have it all. I haven't had a boyfriend she didn't steal. She hates my having anything she doesn't."

"Now, now, Petunia. She doesn't mean to steal them, she's just better looking than you are." Mrs. Evans was dismissive, heedless of the hurt written plainly on Petunia's face.

Severus was appalled. How could she condemn Petunia's looks when she was so obviously superior to her sister? Even near tears she was the prettiest girl he'd ever seen. He wrapped an arm around her slender waist and pulled her closer to his side. "In my opinion, Petunia far outshines her sister, but then, I've always disliked red hair. It's so incredibly gaudy looking. Now, if you will excuse us, we should go wait for Lily." He led Petunia away, with his arm still around her, leaving the auburn haired Mrs. Evans looking shocked and offended by the insult to her favorite daughter.

Mr. Evans looked tired, but was pleased that someone dared contradict his wife's opinion of Lily. She was a pretty girl, yes, but her personality left much to be desired and Rose was blind to that. "You went too far Rose. Saying something that hurtful to Petty was beyond the pale."

"What did I say that was hurtful?" She seemed honestly clueless and Henry gave up.

"Never you mind. Let's just go and meet Lily."


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: This is an AU, because a) I like AUs and b) the story I wanted to write wouldn't have been able to happen if it weren't. Also, this is doubly an AU because there is no Dark Lord and Petunia Evans will not marry Vernon Dursley.

A/N2: This is probably the only Lilybashing fic in existence. I haven't checked, but I've been reading fanfiction since early 2000 and I've never seen any.

A/N3: I will put new chapters up as soon as they're written, so don't nag. Also, this will not rise above PG-13 or T, as I cannot bring myself to write hetsmut.

The Slytherin's Guide to Dating

Step Two: Get Acquainted

When Lily stepped off the train some twenty minutes after she should have, it was to the sight of her sister sitting on a bench, with the arm of one of the few people who refused to worship Lily around her, bickering cheerfully about some book she'd never heard of.

"But Severus, the point is that Macbeth had no nerve, no ruthlessness! His wife committed the murder, and he would not have been king otherwise."

"He would have been king no matter what. It was prophesied, and prophecies always find a way to fulfill themselves Petunia. Don't you remember the story of Oedipus?"

Lily couldn't understand a thing they were saying and didn't bother trying. Instead, she marched right up to them and demanded shrilly, "Petunia Susan Evans, what on earth do you think you're doing? Do you know what he is?"

Petunia looked at her, unruffled by her outrage. "He's an intellectual, a Beatles fan and a very handsome bloke indeed. What do you think he is?"

"How can you think he's handsome! Look at his hair! Look at that awful nose! He's a bloody snob, for God's sake! He calls me the most horrible names!" Lily nearly shrieked.

"Like what? Something other than 'Your Highness'? And what do you have against men with long hair? His hair is certainly better than yours." Petunia deliberately struck at Lily's hair, of which she was exceedingly vain.

"For that matter, I'll have you know that this nose has been broken three times, twice by that fiancé of yours." Severus spat the word fiancé with intense hatred.

"By the way, Lily, we would have liked to be told." A heavy hand fell on her shoulder, and she whirled to see her father, looking deeply disappointed. He handed her a silk scarf that belonged to her mother, who was standing just behind him, looking scandalized. "Please put this on. Your neck has some... marks on it." She blushed, and rapidly knotted it around her neck.

Petunia and Severus stood up, and separated reluctantly. "When may I see you again, Petunia?" Severus asked, with a hopeful but wary expression on his face, as he expected to be told 'never'.

"If you've got a pen, I can write my address down for you." Her father silently handed her one, as well as a small scrap of paper. "Here. 17 Primrose Path, Little Whinging, Surrey. Stop by sometime; during the afternoon would be best."

Severus accepted it like a holy relic. "Would tomorrow at 1 o'clock be acceptable? I could take you to lunch." He offered tentatively.

"I think that would be just fine. You seem to be a nice young man, and if my daughter likes you then I can't help but approve." Mr. Evans spoke before either girl could get a word in edgewise.

"But Daddy, James is coming by tomorrow!" Lily whined.

"I assure you, Miss Evans, that I will stay well out of his way. I have no desire to have my nose broken yet again. Being unable to smell is particularly difficult in my line of work."

"And what is your line of work?" Mr. Evans was keenly interested.

"I am a potion maker. My father owns an apothecary shop in the wizarding section of Oxford, just near the university where I will be working on weekends until I complete my degree. I hope to someday work at St. Mungo's hospital." Severus knew that Mr. Evans was trying to determine his ultimate suitability and he hoped he passed. Mr. Evans nodded, apparently satisfied, and Severus relaxed a bit more. "Father is expecting me. I should probably go. I'll come by at 1 o'clock tomorrow, Petunia." He nodded stiffly at Mrs. Evans and Lily, nodded more warmly to Mr. Evans, then took Petunia's hand and kissed it again, lingering for a moment. Then he straightened up and strode away quickly, determined not to embarrass himself in front of Petunia. But, oh, that low neckline! It was a truly spectacular day; he'd met a smart, pretty girl who thought he was good looking! It more than made up for everything else.

Petunia was flushed, and had a dreamy grin on her face as she walked with her parents to the car. She began to plan her outfit for the next day, ignoring the petulant whine emanating from Lily. Oh, yes, this was a very good day. A boy had said she was prettier than Lily!


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: This is an AU, because a) I like AUs and b) the story I wanted to write wouldn't have been able to happen if it weren't. Also, this is doubly an AU because there is no Dark Lord and Petunia Evans will not marry Vernon Dursley.

A/N2: This is probably the only Lilybashing fic in existence. I haven't checked, but I've been reading fanfiction since early 2000 and I've never seen any.

A/N3: I will put new chapters up as soon as they're written, so don't nag. Also, this will not rise above PG-13 or T, as I cannot bring myself to write hetsmut.

The Slytherin's Guide to Dating

Step Three: Ask Your Parents' Permission

Severus entered the flat over the apothecary shop with a vaguely foolish look on his face. He was clutching a piece of paper in one hand and looking at it as if it were the greatest treasure he'd ever seen. His mother, who was doing the accounts, heard the door close behind him.

"Severus, where have you been? Your father's been looking for you."

"Mother, I've just met the most wonderful girl in the world."

"And what's so wonderful about her, may I ask?" His mother was skeptical.

"She's intelligent. She has a sarcastic sense of humor. She's well read. She's the most beautiful girl in the world and she thinks _I'm_ handsome. She's absolutely perfect."

His mother twisted in her seat and took in the expression on his face in astonishment. "Severus, you've fallen in love!"

Severus blushed. "And if I have, what of it?"

"Then it's wonderful! Your father and I have been wondering when you'd find a nice girl and settle down. Both of your brothers had been betrothed a year or more at your age. Now, have a seat and tell me what she's like, and I don't mean what you told me before. What's her name? What does she look like? How old is she? Where is she from?"

"She's tall and slender and her hair is dishwater blonde. Her eyes are intensely green and she moves like a dancer. She's just turned seventeen and she's from Surrey. Her name is Petunia Evans and she's Lily Evans' younger sister. She's also a Muggle and I really don't care."

"Severus, you're the third son. It wouldn't matter to us if you married a hippogriff just so long as you loved it." Madam Snape was dismissive. "Do you intend to court her?"

"Would you let me?" Severus was mildly astonished.

"I would, and your father can be persuaded. Do you intend to see her again soon?" She had become all business.

"I'm going to take her to lunch tomorrow." Severus admitted sheepishly.

"And you didn't think to ask us first? Oh well, no matter. You'll need to bring flowers if you're going to do this formally. Hmmm... Seven light pink roses I think. Seven for infatuation and light pink for admiration. And a copy of the Language of Flowers. I don't think Muggles know it." She said thoughtfully.

"Yes, Mother. What should I wear? I haven't got any nice Muggle clothing." Severus looked suddenly worried.

"Well, where are you taking her?"

"I was going to take her to Chef Chang's for Chinese food, but I don't know if it's appropriate for a formal courtship." He imbued the last two words with reverence.

"Of course it is. I'll get your father to loan you his Nehru jacket, then you'll be set. If there's not anything else, I need to finish writing these bills out." She turned back to work, and Severus wandered blissfully into his room and locked the door.

Once he was guaranteed privacy, Severus turned to his mirror and looked at his hair consideringly. He tried pulling it back into a ponytail and concluded it made him look awful. Then he tried gathering it at the nape of his neck. There, that was better. It looked somewhat sophisticated, and was easy to do, so he decided to wear his hair like that for his date with Petunia.

Then he went over to his closet and looked at his pitifully small collection of Muggle clothes. Two more pairs of black jeans, three more plain black t-shirts and a variety of t-shirts he'd gotten at concerts. He briefly considered wearing a Led Zeppelin t-shirt for his date but decided against it. He would just have to borrow a shirt from his father as well.

Having done what he could in terms of his outfit, Severus went out, to the little flower shop across the street. When he brought the roses he'd selected to the counter, the shopgirl giggled, and asked him if he wanted them in a vase, to which he readily agreed. The cost of the book was surprisingly high, but he paid it gladly. It was, after all, for Petunia.


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: This is an AU, because a) I like AUs and b) the story I wanted to write wouldn't have been able to happen if it weren't. Also, this is doubly an AU because there is no Dark Lord and Petunia Evans will not marry Vernon Dursley.

A/N2: This is probably the only Lilybashing fic in existence. I haven't checked, but I've been reading fanfiction since early 2000 and I've never seen any.

A/N3: I will put new chapters up as soon as they're written, so don't nag. Also, this will not rise above PG-13 or T, as I cannot bring myself to write hetsmut.

The Slytherin's Guide to Dating

Step Four: Bring a Gift

It was a tidy little house, with a trimmed lawn and well tended flower beds. Severus looked at it with a combination of anxiety and anticipation. Petunia was waiting for him and his father had given him permission to court her only the day before. He nerved himself, grasped the vase in his hand tightly, and knocked on the front door, which was answered by Mrs. Evans.

She looked at him sourly. "Come in. Petunia's upstairs getting ready. Lily and James are in the parlor. Do try not to bother them."

He nodded coldly to her and stepped past her into the foyer. She left, and he waited nervously by the door. After a moment, the parlor door opened and James came out. When he saw Severus, he stormed over and began to yell.

"What the hell do you think you're doing here, Snape? Lily belongs to me, and I won't let you-" He noticed that Severus was ignoring him and looking up the stairs enraptured. James followed his gaze and saw Petunia, in a a tight black wrap-around dress that made her look _good. _When she saw Severus, her face lit up, and James nearly regretted that he was engaged to Lily. The second she left the last step, Severus stepped forward and kissed her on the cheek. He took the flowers from the side table he'd placed them on and presented them to Petunia.

"I hope you like roses, Petunia. I've put a preserving charm on them, so they should last for quite a while." He dug in his pocket and found the shrunken book he'd put there. Quickly tapping it with his wand to restore its' proper size, he handed it to Petunia. "I know Muggles aren't taught the meanings of flowers, so I brought you a copy of the Language of Flowers. It should be interesting."

"Oh, thank you! I quite like roses. I'll just go put them somewhere safe." She darted into the parlor for a long moment. When she came back, she was blushing profusely. "Infatuation and admiration, Severus? Are you trying to be romantic or do you really mean it?"

"I didn't think that you'd look up what I gave you in the book until afterwards, Petunia. Yes, I really mean it." He was blushing now as well. "I'm sorry if I was being presumptuous."

"No, no, it's perfectly fine. I've just never been given flowers before."

"Most of Petunia's previous boyfriends were not really the romantic type, or even the honorable type." Mr. Evans had emerged from the kitchen with a sandwich in his hand. "I'm glad that you at least seem to be both. You even have a job, which absolutely none of the others had."

"Working, Snape? I thought that you were going to go to Oxford and become a Potions Master."

Severus bristled at James' condescending tone. "Unlike you, Potter, my family is not composed of rich layabouts. We actually work for our livings, and I have to pay for my education. I am going to be working weekends. Speaking of college, where did you say you were going?"

"You know bloo- bludgering well that I'm not." James sputtered.

"Oh yes, that's right. So where are you working?"

"Snape, I'm not working, because unlike your family, mine has more than just two knuts!"

"Oh? A layabout with no prospects engaged to my daughter? I don't think I like that. And a snob as well, which is very nearly worse." Mr. Evans had caught on to the game Severus was playing with James, and had joined in wholeheartedly.

"James, what's taking so long?" Lily poked her head out of the door of the parlor.

"Hello, Lily. I was just discussing this young man's lack of a job or job prospects with him. I'm not certain if I like the idea of someone like him marrying my little girl at all." Mr. Evans looked disapproving.

Lily paled, then turned to James. "No job? What does he mean, no job? You told me you were going to the Auror Academy!"

James looked awkward. "Well, I was accepted conditionally, but then I failed my Potions NEWT and, well..." He trailed off into embarrassed silence.

"Well, this little melodrama has been very amusing, but I really think that Severus and I should go now." Petunia injected crisply. She had been watching with amusement, but was starting to get bored.

"Yes. You two go and have fun, just bring Petunia back by, oh, say five o'clock." Mr. Evans grinned cheerfully at them, then turned to James. "As for you, young man, you and I are going to go have a little talk." His grin had turned somewhat menacing, and James gulped nervously.

Smirking at the look of near terror on James' face, Severus and Petunia walked out the door.


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: This is an AU, because a) I like AUs and b) the story I wanted to write wouldn't have been able to happen if it weren't. Also, this is doubly an AU because there is no Dark Lord and Petunia Evans will not marry Vernon Dursley.

A/N2: This is probably the only Lilybashing fic in existence. I haven't checked, but I've been reading fanfiction since early 2000 and I've never seen any.

A/N3: I will put new chapters up as soon as they're written, so don't nag. Also, this will not rise above PG-13 or T, as I cannot bring myself to write hetsmut.

The Slytherin's Guide to Dating

Step Five: Plan and Execute Your Date Carefully

As they walked down the street, Petunia looked at Severus curiously. "Why do you loathe Potter so much? He's obnoxious, yes, but you could just ignore him."

Severus sighed. "It's a long story, but the gist of it is that he was the biggest bully in school and he hates that I stand up to him. He thinks that I should submit like a good little peasant, and the rest of his crew is no better. His family is part of the old pureblood plutocracy, and he thinks I'm inferior for being working class. Absolute bollocks of course, but you'll never persuade him of that."

"Then why is he dating Lily? Dad works in the drill factory and Mum's a housewife." Petunia was puzzled.

"It's because she'll make a fabulous trophy wife and if he marries a Muggleborn then he'll get a reputation of being liberal and progressive. Quite a few of the old guard think that Muggleborns are inferior, and he's probably trying to dissociate himself from them."

Petunia frowned. "So what do they think of Muggles?"

"There are two main schools of thought about Muggles. One is that Muggles need to be protected from magic and the other is that wizards need to be protected from technology. Both of them are firmly separatist. There are a few people who think that Muggles should be integrated into wizard society, but they're rather rare."

"Yes, but do they think we're inferior as well?"

Severus looked awkward for a moment. "Not really. They think that Muggles are extremely dangerous, and they don't think that you're particularly rational, but they don't think that you're inferior. They just think that Muggleborns are a disgusting aberration."

Petunia frowned thoughtfully. "It certainly meshes with my view of Lily. Why do they think we're dangerous and irrational?"

"The Witch Hunts have left a lasting mark on our culture. Most families have at least one ancestor who was hanged or burned at the stake." Severus looked grim. "Let's not talk about this; it's not very pleasant."

Petunia nodded. They were nearly to the park on Magnolia Crescent, and she was vaguely wondering if Severus had arranged a picnic. Then he led her to a small stand of trees in the far end of the park.

"I'm going to Apparate us to London. This will probably feel a bit odd." He wrapped his arm around her waist and concentrated. There was a popping noise, then a moment of icy cold that stole Petunia's breath. They appeared in an alley, and she stared at Severus.

"When you say odd you really mean it, don't you?" Then she grinned. "Never mind. Where are we going?"

"This really wonderful Chinese restaurant called Chef Chang's. You do like Chinese, right?"

Petunia gave him a look. "Who doesn't?"

It was only a block to the restaurant, and once they were there, they were seated immediately.

Petunia peered at the menu. "Would you like to split a Peking Duck with me? It sounds very good, but it's only available as a whole duck."

Severus smiled. "I was about to ask you the same thing. Do you want to split an appetizer as well?"

"Certainly. How about the crab rangoon?"

"That would nice."

They gave the waiter their order, then sat looking awkwardly at each other. They had no idea what they should talk about. Eventually Severus spoke. "Have you read the new Tolkien book?"

"I didn't know that there was a new one. Isn't Tolkien dead?" Petunia was confused.

"He is, but they've just published a book he'd apparently been working on for ages. It's called the Silmarillion. I haven't got a copy yet, the bookshop down the street from me has sold out."

"Bookstores never have what you're looking for. I went to get a copy of Dracula and they didn't keep it in stock. It's a classic, for God's sake." Petunia was indignant.

"It might be a classic, but it's also highly inaccurate. Crosses and holy water are harmless to vampires. I mean, I know of one vampire who's a Catholic priest!"

Petunia's eyes widened in amazement. "Lily never told me vampires are real! What are they like?"

They chatted about Dark creatures for the rest of the time, pausing only when a waiter was near. It was a leisurely lunch, and afterwards the wandered around London windowshopping and chatting. They Apparated home around 4 o'clock, and Severus escorted Petunia to the door.

"When can I come by again?" Severus inquired.

"Oh, anytime. James is here nearly every day, though, so you might want to come before noon, when he usually arrives."

"Thank you for telling me. Where would you like to go next time?"

Petunia gave him a mischievious grin. "Surprise me!" She leaned in and kissed him, then went inside, leaving Severus standing there in shock, a hand on his lips.


	6. Chapter 6

A/N: This is an AU, because a) I like AUs and b) the story I wanted to write wouldn't have been able to happen if it weren't. Also, this is doubly an AU because there is no Dark Lord and Petunia Evans will not marry Vernon Dursley.

A/N2: This is probably the only Lilybashing fic in existence. I haven't checked, but I've been reading fanfiction since early 2000 and I've never seen any.

A/N3: I will put new chapters up as soon as they're written, so don't nag. Also, this will not rise above PG-13 or T, as I cannot bring myself to write hetsmut.

The Slytherin's Guide to Dating

Step Six: Stake Your Claim

The very next day, Severus was walking up the path with a copy of The Silmarillion under his arm when a beefy young man came storming out of the Evans' house and nearly slammed into him. When he saw Severus, he turned brick red.

"You! This is your fault! You stole her from me!" he ranted.

"I'm sorry, but I think you have the wrong man. I've never gone near Lily Evans." Severus said calmly.

"Not Lily, you moron, PETUNIA!" At the sound of her name being howled, Petunia came to the door and watched with an amused expression on her face. "I'd nearly convinced her to go out with me, and then you came and took her away from me! She's MINE, dammit, and I won't let you have her! You can't just come waltzing up with- with-" he cast around wildly. "With books and seduce away what belongs to me!"

Petunia marched over and slapped him across the face. "The hell I belong to you, Vernon Dursley! And I didn't need any seducing! He's polite, he's intelligent and he doesn't babble on about how he'll inherit a drill company!" Her voice rose to nearly a shriek. "And, most important of all, he never tries to put a hand down my blouse like you did today!"

Severus went very still, and when he spoke, he spoke very, very quietly. "You did _what_!" He stepped closer to him. "If you ever, and I mean _ever_, lay so much as a finger on Petunia again, you won't be in any condition to regret it!"

"How DARE you threaten me! My father owns Grunnings, and I could have her father sacked, and probably your father as well! I could buy and sell you, you scrawny bastard!" he raged.

"On the contrary, you can't do anything to my father; he doesn't work for you. In fact, he owns his own shop in Oxford, well out of the sphere of what little influence you have. Also, if I ever hear that you're harassing Petunia again, I _will_ report your threats and abuse of power to the police." Severus stepped back.

"You won't get anywhere with that. The Dursley name is gold in Little Whinging. Nobody will believe you." Vernon said smugly.

"On the contrary, with two witnesses saying the same thing, they'll have to believe us." Severus retorted.

A new voice intervened. "Make that four witnesses, Snape." James Potter was on the sidewalk, with Lily right beside him. "We heard what this scum threatened to do. Also, he's bothered Lily in the past, and used the same threats against her to force her to agree to it. She'll be perfectly happy to testify to that in court, won't you darling?" He looked down at her adoringly.

She glared up at him. "You promised me you'd never mention that! I trusted you!" she spat at him.

James floundered helplessly for a moment. "Lily, it's the right thing to do. Don't you want to make sure he stops using his family's influence like this?"

"No. I just want to keep out of it!" she declared.

While Lily and James were having their own little tiff, Petunia was furious.

"You unmitigated arsehole! You absolute bastard! You told me you'd never even looked at Lily!" She punched him, hard, on the nose. There was a sickening _crack_, and blood started to ooze down Vernon's face. He raised his hand to his face in shock.

"You bitch! You'be bwoken by nose!" He raised his fist to strike her, only to find in it a stern grip. He looked behind him, and paled dramatically. There was a policeman holding his wrist. Somebody had called the police.

"Mrs. Yvonne Polkiss called the police to investigate a disturbance of the peace. We did not expect to find you, Mr. Dursley, about to strike a woman both younger and smaller than yourself. Your father will not be pleased to hear that you have been brought down to the station again."

Lily gave the policeman a charming smile. "What do you mean again, officer? Have other girls made complaints against him?" She fluttered her eyelashes at him flirtatiously.

The policeman flushed. "No, the other two times were public drunkeness. However, other girls have made unconfirmed complaints."

Lily turned ice cold. "Then add mine and my sister's complaints to the list, and consider all of them confirmed. I intend to press charges."

Vernon laughed nastily. "Complain all you want to, slut. They'll never convict a Dursley. My father wouldn't allow it."

The policeman smirked. "On the contrary, Mr. Dursley. Your father is fed up to the back teeth with your antics, and has given us permission to prosecute you if necessary."

"I don't believe you. Dad would never do anything like that!" Vernon protested.

"Care to find out, Mr. Dursley? You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law. You have the right to an attorney. If you cannot afford one-"

"Bugger that! I'm a Dursley! Of course I can afford a lawyer!"

"Then come along then, Mr. Dursley."

The last thing Vernon Dursley saw, before the police car rounded the corner, was Petunia, _his _Petunia, he reminded himself, embracing and thoroughly snogging that scrawny bastard Snape, who loked very surprised indeed.


End file.
